As I inch closer to 30, I’ve realized that finding a man without children is like hitting the lottery (it seems THAT improbable!). I am currently dating a man with not one, but TWO children. Trust me, it sounds rougher than it really is. I love those little girls to death. So much so, that it scares me to think how over protective I’ll be when I have children of my own! But the road to this stage in the relationship has taught me so much about respect, boundaries, and love.
..Be prepared to be put on the back burner sometimes..
See…one thing you must understand when it comes to dating someone with a child or children is that the child will always come first.
If you are a spoiled partner who wants their significant other to stop, drop, and roll for any little thing you may need or entertain every whim you may have…dating someone with a child may not be for you.
There may be times when you get fancy, jazzy, and downright grown and SEXY for your partner and end up making grilled cheese sandwiches and tomatoes soup while watching Tangled for the millionth time simply because plans fall through and children must be cared for 24 hours a day. You shouldn’t make your partner feel bad for having to take care of , or be present for their child.
Honestly, you are there to make the road easier..not add to the chorus of whining they hear on the daily.
….The EX is not going ANYWHERE ….
Another MAJOR realization that you must make, is that the mother or father of their child will ALWAYS be in the picture. There is no escaping that. They are tied together through that child for 18+ years. Remember how we said the child is always the priority?? Well, keeping a positive relationship with the ex goes along with that. If you can’t have a cookout for the child’s birthday because all parties involved can’t stand to be in the same room together…how will you be able to watch the kids open presents at Christmas? Kids can be stressful but the special times and those random cute moments make it all worth it…and you will want to be there. Having that positive relationship with your Significant Others (S.O’s) ex is key to this.
- Besides keeping harmony and all that in the household, the adults should be on the same page so they can band together as a untied front. Kids are wayyyy smarter than they appear. They know who gets along and who doesn’t and they can use this to their advantage.
Say one night they want to stay up later…they could say “my mommy let’s me stay up until…” and knowing you two don’t communicate or call each other, who is going to correct them?
You and your Significant other’s ex are probably not going to be best friends..
NO , I don’t expect you and your S.O.’s ex to braid each other’s hair, go out for drinks together, or even hang out when the children aren’t involved. But there should be no hesitation to contact each other to plan things or simply ask a question.
I was the QUEEN of letting my significant other handle all things that involved his ex and his children, until I realized WOMEN RUN THIS. Lol He doesn’t really think about all that comes with having a picnic at the park or a beach day , so if we all want to get together and make it happen, my best bet is calling the children’s mom and getting things squared away with her. Women are usually the glue of the family, so as a woman dealing with another woman..respect is key.
…be mindful, be respectful..
No matter WHAT faults your S.O.’s ex has, please remember that they will always be the PARENT. Meaning, they have a say when you don’t.
It doesn’t matter how responsible you are, how much money you make, how much you do for the kids, or how well the kids like you. “Remember your place” sounds harsh, but it’s true. If you can grasp this concept and check your ego , you may just survive this! Haha
Thanks for reading and if you have any questions or stories regarding this topic, hit me up on IG @Swepinthecity , FB @swepinthecity or comment below!